Time is flying by so quickly and despite being in a global pandemic where we’re all at home you’d think time would be going by slowly…That is quite the contrary. During this time at home and celebrating another Covid birthday I really learned a lot about myself and not only realizing that I’m checking off a different age range box and the greys are peeping through all this has really put things into perspective of the person I am becoming. As Aliyah once quoted “Age ain’t nothing but a number” and it truly isn’t.
Here are some of the life lessons I’ve learned in these 35 years – let me know if you relate to any of these!
1. Don’t Underestimate Yourself
Many say 30 is the new 20. Does that mean 35 is the new 25? Don’t get me wrong I sometimes think this is a bit of an excuse to still feel or act young. But it’s all about perspective.
As an adult, I’ve constantly and sometimes still do underestimate myself and I’ve come to put a lot of pressure on myself in various situations that I felt I wasn’t prepared for. I’ve also felt like I needed to have things figured out by a certain age.
The reality is that no matter what age a person can be, the feelings can exist at any point in time. You just have to figure things out along the way and get it done because it has to get done regardless.
2. No Such Thing as “I Can’t”
As a high school teacher I am constantly teaching my students that “I Can” statements are a very powerful tool. I try to remind my students that the word can’t is part of what limits them to their fullest potential.
If you consistently say I can’t do this or that, obviously you’re getting trapped into that mindset and never being able to figure out how to solve the problem and relying on others to do it for you.
By changing your mindset and opening yourself up to the possibility of having a can-do mind frame and by taking the necessary steps to get it done, then you’re more likely to be able to achieve whatever you set your mind to. The power of believing is worth seeing.
3. It’s Okay to Not Always Be Available
Pre-Covid the need to make it to every birthday, family dinner, hang out, girls/boys night, etc was the thing to do and if you missed out a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) would occur.
It’s okay to not want to go to that family dinner, birthday party or even brunch with friends. Prioritizing yourself shouldn’t come at the cost of losing friends. It’s okay to not respond to that message or email right then and there. It will get done when it gets done. If anything it would make you a better self sufficient adult by not being available as it’ll make you more responsible to get back to that message or email in your own time.
4. Don’t Apologize for Prioritizing Yourself
As Canadians the word sorry is ingrained in our vocabulary from the day we’re born. We have become such an apologetic society for the smallest of things and I am guilty for apologizing to my family and friends for putting myself first.
Prioritizing yourself doesn’t make you any less of the person you are to your people, it helps you fill your cup rather than running on empty and be there for them when you’re ready.
5. Disconnect to Reconnect
As society we’re so readily available at our fingertips at any given moment of the day.
Taking an hour or a few hours each day to disconnect completely from phones, laptops, work, social media, etc is so essential to our mental health. Social media has become such a negative space and the joys of it are slowly deterring people from using it.
Disconnecting might mean you’ll miss the latest influencers post or rant, your friends story, an email that was sent can be responded to later. That’s okay! Your brain, fingers and eyes need a break from the scrolling and disconnecting gives you that clarity to really engage with your surroundings but mostly the people around you.
You can be present BUT NOT be present. With that said, be present in the moment with the people around you, engage in that conversation quickly rather than having someone repeat themselves constantly to get your attention. Rather than losing those moments as you’re swiping.
6. Invest your Savings
Over the years I have had the most basic savings plan and let my money just sit in the bank and do absolutely nothing. Had it not been for Haroon and working in the finance world I would have not been able to see my savings grow.
Don’t let your money sit in the bank and assume it’s collecting interest. Learn how to invest your money and take advantage of the TFSA(Tax Free Savings Account) and RRSP (Registered Retired Savings Plan).
I’d recommend learning about stocks yourself before asking others for their advice. Anyone can give advice or tell you to invest but you yourself have to learn about and be prepared if it takes a dive and knowing what to do from there.
7. Practice, Practice and Practice Makes Perfect
The age old saying that practice makes perfect but I believe that is something a lot of us tend to forget.
Public speaking is something that gives me a lot of anxiety and even though taking a course on it was meant to help me get over this fear every now and then whenever I need to present it still creeps me out. Now as a teacher I am constantly public speaking but it’s different in a class than speaking to my coworkers.
After spending hours practising on my presentation or recording multiple Instagram stories of myself saying the same script over and over again. I was able to present in front of my coworkers and even get on Instagram and do stories for The NewlyWahids page. I’ve been slowly becoming more confident in speaking and getting out of my comfort zone.
8. Learn to be Adaptable to Situations
The world of teaching got hit really hard when Covid hit us all. We all had to pivot our teaching styles and figure out new strategies to become better educators and to connect with students in an online platform setting.
You have to learn how to adapt to different situations because if Covid has taught us anything is that nothing in life is truly permanent and things are constantly evolving.
Just as life is full of changes on a daily basis you’ve got to get creative and adapt with those changes.
9. Not Every Problem has a Solution or Will Have a Solution
For as long as I can remember, if I ever did anything wrong or was in trouble, I tried to resolve the issue or tried to find the solution to ‘fix the problem’, but life has taught me that there are some problems that don’t have solutions, and that’s okay.
Learn to embrace each problem as they come and use them as a teaching moment rather than trying to spend energy looking for a solution.
10. The Importance of Listening Before Speaking
Some say that “often the solution is in the problem” rather than taking the opportunity to properly listen to others we often react by assuming things without thinking and responding accordingly.
I am guilty of assuming I know the solution to an issue without thinking of all of the factors. I’ve had to go through various arguments/disagreements, silent treatments from friends just to learn that at times your people don’t want to hear your advice you’re giving them, they just need a person to vent to, listen and acknowledge their feelings by just being heard.
11. Patience Really is a Virtue
My personal experience with finding a career in teaching is an example of the role I wanted for years. Several times I came very close to landing a permanent position but didn’t get it and like the last point, I looked for things to improve on or what I could’ve done better to get the position. I ended up getting upset and disappointed without tangible solutions all due to the nature of the hiring process.
When a permanent teaching position came along, it was the perfect timing, I had bought a property close to my job and soon after met Haroon. It was only after someone pointed it out to me that I began to realize that those previous jobs or Long Term Occasional (LTO) teaching positions that through hard work, dedication and perseverance that the right job, partner, etc comes at the right time when everything aligns and that patience is a virtue or a blessing in disguise.
12. Don’t be Embarrassed
I have always struggled with overthinking and feeling insecure. I’ve held back from saying or doing a lot of things out of fear of embarrassment.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that no one really gives a shit about what I’m saying or doing, and in the end I’m the one losing out on a lot of things because of holding myself back.
Everyone is already stuck in their own heads to even care about what you’re doing and no one will remember tomorrow so you might as well put yourself out there and get rid of those fears of embarrassment.
Don’t get me wrong it’s a lot easier said than done and there isn’t an actual switch inside of us to turn it off but I try and just not let those feelings get the best of me and really seize every opportunity embarrassing or not not overwhelm me.
13. Communication is Actually Key
Most problems that we face occur because of miscommunication or a lack of understanding the solutions. By communicating freely and unfiltered with those that you trust they can provide unbiased advice on a situation. By communicating and expressing yourself often times can be the best solution to understanding the solutions to the issue you’re experiencing.
14. Stand Up for Yourself
Be your own biggest supporter and not allow anyone to talk down to you or raise their voice at you for no reason.
Don’t allow people to take advantage of you and make you feel guilty for their own insecurities. If you don’t like a situation you’re in. Remove yourself from the situation and stand up for yourself.
Even after 35 years I’ve recently just removed myself and people out of my life who did not appreciate me.
15. Honesty is Really the Best Policy
Being honest is an admirable quality to have but at times it can be also difficult as some people might not want to hear the brutal truth. Some people might appreciate your honesty especially with how you deliver your message whereas some might not like your honesty (that’s okay) and it may be a hard pill for them to swallow but at the end of the day the truth is the truth which is always the best approach.
16. Compromise to Compromising
People often use the word sacrifice interchangeably, but I think that sacrifice means there can be unsolved resentment. Compromise is a key lesson similar to knowing to listen before speaking, where in life you have to give a little, to get a little. The ideal pendulum to maintain a circle of life…..”and it moves us all, through despair and hope, through faith and love, til we find our place, on the path unwinding, in the circle, the circle of liiiiiiiife!”
17. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
In life and relationships, you have to give respect to get respect. Treat people the way you want to be treated, and if respect is part of the equation, you’ll often find getting respect back. It seems like a simple life lesson but is often hard to follow because we tend to judge others without thinking but instead if we put ourselves in others position we would often find ourselves doing the exact same thing….all to say that you earn respect by giving it to others.
18. Don’t Compare and Despair
I feel as though social media plays a huge part in this habit that we compare. I’m guilty of comparing myself to others and feeling a sense of despair. Whether it was where I was in life and feeling left behind while everyone moved on with life and I felt stuck.
Social media can be such an effective tool but also a detrimental one at the same time. This needs to be taken as a grain of salt. Oftentimes we compare our lives to others and the truth is that’s human nature but everyone’s journey and timeline is different. What may happen to others may not necessarily happen for you at that point in time in your life and that’s okay. Bigger and better things are meant for you.
Live YOUR life at YOUR OWN pace.
19. Own Up to Your Actions
We’ve all been through negative experiences and it’s easy to blame your actions on others or project and displace anger onto others. At some point you have to take ownership and realize that you can only be responsible for yourself and not anyone else. You can only control and change how you act and speak to others.
20. Learn to Forgive Yourself
At times I often replay things from the past and regret saying or doing things.
At the end of the day none of us are perfect in any way and we’re human and you’re bound to make mistakes throughout our journey in life. I have made some questionable decisions but that doesn’t make me a bad person and over the years I have learned to forgive myself for all that I’ve done and take it as a learning experience to be better.
21. Be Humble
Kendrick Lamar spits out FACTS! Being humble is putting others at the forefront of their thoughts. Be humble in what you post online on social media. No one cares what luxury brands you got from your partner or bought yourself or the car you drive. Yes be proud of what you worked and earned but why brag about it. Anyone who wants to can purchase the same things; these materialistic items are all accessible items. It’s based on whether or not people want to splurge. At the end of the day it’s your character that should matter most, not the items that you flash around. It’s best to keep things private rather than public. No one wants nazar(evil eye).
22. Give with the Right Hand so your Left Hand Doesn’t Know
I have seen countless “influencers” post about donating which is all fine and well. What bothers me is to post a video of putting money in an envelope and handing it to people. No one needs to know what charitable act you do. This is something that should be kept for you and you only. Not to mention posting it online. Like why? Why do people need to know? Ask yourself, are you doing it to motivate others or are you doing it for recognition? Either way my opinion is to keep this private.
23. People are Complex
I have encountered all kinds of people in my lifetime from different jobs, family members, friends, students, coworkers, strangers, etc and I live life very simply whether you’re a good human or a not so great human.
The reality of it is that people are really onions and each layer is more complex than the previous layer. If someone has wronged you that doesn’t mean they’re not a good human it just means that person handled a situation they way they see fit.
People also do things for all sorts of reasons we’re all out here trying to live life in our own way and that can be hard enough as is.
24. Cut, Delete and Block the Toxicity
It’s hard to cut people out of your life after they’ve played an integral role in it but evaluating what a person brings to your life is essential for your own foundation and mental health. If someone does not bring the good within you out then it may be time to re-evaluate why this person is still in your life. Ask yourself the hard questions to get the answers you need. You might not like the answers but it should give you the clarity that you need.
After 21 years of friendship it was time I needed to be rid of a former friend of mine. As much as it hurt me it was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself.
25. Some People Will Never Change
I truly believe that people have the ability to change and be better humans but some stay in the same character for the rest of their lives, unless someone or something gives them a reason to change.
Now I’m not saying I am a saint and there are plenty of decisions I’ve made in life that I don’t regret but have only learned from. It took losing people in my life for me to look deep inside myself and change into the person that I wanted to be.
I’ve given people chances to be better and at a point in time there aren’t any chances left.
26. Not Everyone Might be Vibin’ with You
I have dealt with bullies, haters and users throughout my life and unfortunately I still have to deal with these types of people. It is beyond me that people have the time and energy to be certain ways and just have a negative vibe that follows them around. I barely have time to get most of my items done on my things to do list let alone hate on others.
It’s okay if people don’t vibe with you it just means they vibe with other people like them. The people who are like you will be on your wavelength and have more commonalities to you than someone who doesn’t.
27. Hustle and Grind
If I could tell my younger self anything it would be “The Hustle and Grind is worth it. Keep Going. You got this!”. I truly advocate the concept of working hard and playing even harder. I started working from the age of 16 and kept pushing through whether it was being a full time student and having a part time job or even having a full time job. The hustle is about managing, organizing a schedule and playing the balancing act of life. Whereas the grind can be from pure exhaustion, blood sweat and tears being put into whatever it is you’re working on. Personally for me I hustled and grind in order to be able to travel the world and explore or be able to put a downpayment on a property at 30. Work towards the things you want in life NOT work and enjoy when you retire.
28. Keep your Environment Clean
Most people don’t like cleaning and do it out of necessity and that’s okay. Personally I never liked cleaning but loved the end result of a clean space. Being home for on and off most of the year has made it all more important to keep your space, so Haroon and I have designated Saturdays as our regular cleaning day.
Having a clean space for me is always tied to my mental health. It just makes my mind a bit more relaxed. In reality when you care about something, you’ll make time for it.
29. Having Healthy Habits (H3)
Truthfully I’ve always been one of those people who used to be athletic but lately I’m constantly on and off with working out and staying active. I cannot do an at home workout and need to be in a different environment to workout. But it is really important to maintain a healthy body. During the past year and a half at home. I have made it a habit to do a workout or train myself to get back into running or even walk every single day.
30. Your Health is Important
I look back at old pictures and my body is not the same as it was when I was younger, and as I got older I realized how important it is for me to maintain good health. Physical activity isn’t the only way to keep a healthy lifestyle, and with this pandemic now more than ever you need to keep your insides just as healthy if not even more. Take your vitamins, drink your water, get fresh air daily, mediate. Make sure to put your inner peace first.
31. Think Twice before Spending
Now I’m all about YOLO whenever it comes to a vacation. I won’t think twice about spending when it comes to exploring and fine dining in a new city/country. I have tendencies of holding myself back on spending when it comes to certain things. It might be me being anxious and overthinking if the item I’m purchasing is a need or want.
Ask yourself is it a need or a want? But at the same time don’t restrict yourself either. It’s your money and spend it how you want. Money comes and money goes.
32. Become Self-Reliant
Becoming self-reliant doesn’t always necessarily mean to move to another city or country but it’s an essential skill to be self-reliant. Being able to do your own taxes and not relying on an accountant or feeding yourself and not relying on take out as it becomes expensive.
33. The Bigger Picture
As much as I’ve always been the type of person that thinks 10 steps ahead and tries and prepares for any outcome. I remember when I was younger all I would think about is living in the moment. Now being in a different stage of life. Haroon and I are actively thinking of future plans. Plans to buy a house in the city, start a family, invest in another property to retreat to. Whether it’s travelling, saving up more, changing health habits, paying any additional expenses off. I find that to have all these things can add up and the end goal is to always make sure there are savings for a rainy retirement day.
34. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
When it comes to handling stress I’m not the best. I tend to get worked up and overthink everything and anything. I’ve come to the realization if it’s not something directly impacting your life or even day-to-day routine. It’s NOT something to stress about.
Take a breath, find your inner peace, change your scenery and try to move on with your day.
It may be easier said than done, but just try your best not to stress about the little things. There are certain things that are beyond our control; the only thing we can control is yourself.
35. Enjoy Life
Nothing in life is guaranteed and anything can change in an instant . I don’t know what I’ll be doing in the next few months, 5 or 10 years or even where I’ll be. Everyone is living life at their own pace, and you really can’t compare your own situation to anyone else’s. So why not enjoy the one life you’ve been given. There truly isn’t a strict timeline to anything in life. Get up everyday and take charge of the day and really live it as though it was your last.
What I do know is that it’s important to have a rough plan of where you want to go and it can all be figured out as you go.
I can’t believe I came up with 35 lessons. This was a challenge of comprising 35 years into lessons learned but a self reflective one at that. What are life lessons you’ve learned throughout the course of your life? How have your goals and priorities changed over the years? Let me know on Instagram or in the comment section.
Cheers and here’s to continuously learning and becoming the best version of yourself each and every single day.
-This is 35…
